RELATIONAL LEADERSHIP

My wife and I are currently helping 3 couples prepare for their marriage. It is essential to reflect on certain questions before coming together. Why? A wedding celebration is only a couple of hours but a marriage is for a lifetime.

So before diving into an important and sacred commitment, it would be good to reflect on these questions. My wife and I prepared 18.

1. Why do you want to get married, and why do you want to marry each other specifically? What convinces you this is God’s leading, and not just timing or emotion?
   
2. What is your understanding of marriage as God designed it? How do you see Christ and the church reflected in the covenant you’re about to make (Ephesians 5:22–33)?
   
3. How many children do you hope to have, if any? How will you handle it if you don’t fully agree, or if God’s plan turns out different from yours?
   
4. How will you approach your finances? Talk through budgeting, saving, debt, giving or tithing, and who will manage what. Have you been fully honest with each other about your financial habits and expectations?
   
5. How will you resolve conflict? When you disagree, do you tend to withdraw, argue, or work toward resolution? How will Scripture and prayer shape the way you fight fair?
   
6. What role will faith and the local church play in your home? Will you attend together, pray together, and disciple your children together? Who will lead that spiritually?
   
7. What are your expectations for roles and responsibilities in the home, both as husband and wife, and eventually as father and mother?
   
8. How do you plan to relate to your in-laws and extended family? How will you protect your marriage as you leave and cleave (Genesis 2:24)?
   
9. What does intimacy mean to you, emotionally, spiritually, and physically? How will you keep growing closer instead of drifting apart over time?
   
10. What is your plan for when hard seasons come, such as job loss, illness, infertility, or the loss of a loved one? What will anchor you when circumstances don’t go as planned?
    
11. How will you make major decisions together, such as moving, career changes, or big purchases?
    
12. What did you learn about marriage from watching your parents, both good and bad? What do you want to repeat, and what do you want to break?
    
13. Are there any unresolved wounds, addictions, or patterns from your family of origin that you’re still working through?
    
14. Where are you each right now in your walk with Christ, honestly, not where you wish you were?
    
15. Who will hold you accountable as a couple? Is there a mentor couple or community around you?
    
16. Where will you live, and how were your decisions about career or ministry calling made? Were they made jointly?
    
17. What are your expectations about work? Will one or both of you work, and how might that change once you have children?
    
18. What is your view on divorce? Is it ever an option in your mind, even hypothetically?