RELATIONAL LEADERSHIP

My wife and I are currently helping 3 couples prepare for their marriage. It is essential to reflect on certain questions before coming together. Why? A wedding celebration is only a couple of hours but a marriage is for a lifetime.

So before diving into an important and sacred commitment, it would be good to reflect on these questions. My wife and I prepared 14.

1. Why do you want to get married?
   
2. Why do you want to marry each other specifically? What convinces you this is God’s leading, and not just timing or emotion?
   
3. What is your understanding of marriage as God designed it? (Ephesians 5:22–33)
   
4. How many children do you hope to have, if any?
   
5. How will you handle it if you don’t fully agree on family planning, or if God’s plan turns out different from yours?
   
6. How will you approach your finances? Have you talked through budgeting, saving, debt, giving or tithing, and who will manage what?
   
7. Have you been fully honest with each other about your financial habits and expectations?
   
8. What are your expectations for roles and responsibilities in the home as husband and wife?
   
9. What are your expectations for roles and responsibilities in the home as a father and mother?
   
10. What are your expectations about work? Will one or both of you work, and how might that change once you have children?
    
11. Are there any unresolved wounds, addictions, or patterns from your family of origin that you’re still working through?
    
12. Who will hold you accountable as a couple? Is there a mentor couple or community around you?
    
13. Have you discussed where you will reside post-wedding?
    
14. What is your view on separation (divorce/annulment)? Is it ever an option in your mind, even hypothetically?

Marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts, but it is also one of life’s most significant commitments. These questions are not meant to create fear or uncertainty but to encourage honest conversations and lay a strong foundation for a lifetime together.

No couple enters marriage with all the answers. What matters is a willingness to grow, communicate, seek God’s wisdom, and walk humbly with one another.

As you prepare for marriage, remember that the goal is not merely finding the right person, but becoming the kind of person who can faithfully love and honor their spouse for a lifetime.