RELATIONSHIP OVER RULES


In our recent family trip to Melbourne, I met an owner and CEO of his company. He shared with me his experience when he took a business trip to Bali.

Because he had to stay a couple of nights, he booked at a 5-star hotel. He usually stays at the Ritz Carlton hotel, but when he looked at a hotel booking website, this other hotel (which also was a 5-star hotel) had a significant discount so he went ahead and booked a room himself to avail of the savings.

When he got to the hotel in Bali, he found out that his assistant also booked for him. Because of the double booking, he had 2 rooms under his name.

Talking at the guy at the front desk, he asked if there was any way to cancel the other room since he only needs one. The guy said no. Then my CEO friend asked if they could at least give him a couple of breakfast vouchers the next day so that his managers can eat with him during their breakfast meeting. The response? Another “no.” Frustrated, he asked, “Is there anything you can possibly do for me?” The front desk guy shook his head and said, “Sorry there’s nothing we can do.”

That night, my CEO friend went to a banquet he was invited to and met the General Manager of Ritz Carlton Bali. When asked about his experience with where he was staying, my CEO friend started venting his frustration to the Ritz GM. To this, the GM of Ritz said, “I’ll see what I can do.” My friend said, “No need. It’s okay. I was just sharing with you my experience.”

When my friend got back to his hotel room, he was surprised that there was a spread of food and goodies, a couple of bottles of champagne and a couple of breakfast vouchers for his managers. He called the Ritz GM and asked him what he did. The Ritz GM said that he just called the GM of the hotel my friend was staying in and relayed his experience.

My friend asked, “Why did you do that? I appreciate the gesture but why? You’re not getting anything out of this plus this was your competition.”

To this, the Ritz GM replied, “Wherever you are, you are Ritz Carlton family.”

Wow.

My CEO friend looked at me and said, “Pastor, guess where I will book next time?”

After he told me his story, I had a few takeaways.

1. Serve.

Whether it will directly benefit us or not, just go ahead and serve.

2. Insecurity is unattractive.

The Ritz GM didn’t feel slighted at all when a faithful client tried out another hotel. Sometimes we disconnect and cut off relationships because we feel people seem disloyal.

3. Empower others to serve.

It’s better to make a mistake on the side of serving people rather than serving policies. Remember to share this with your team members. And when they make a mistake by going over the budget or bending over backwards to accommodate when they decide to serve, commend rather than scold

Remember, relationship is more important than the rules. The rules serve the relationship not the other way around. Policies and rules are helpful. But they exist to strengthen and serve the relationships.

WHAT IS THE GOAL OF PARENTING?

 

 

What is our goal in parenting?

Many books, experts and seminar speakers give us varied objectives. But allow me to propose one vital goal we need to have as parents as we train our children to become fully functioning adults. Hope this video helps.

LOOK UP

Technology has been a real blessing.
It has helped us find directions easier, access news in a snap, connect with someone across the planet in a few seconds, Facetime with a loved one you’ve never seen in a long time.

At the same breath, it has caused us to stay glued in front of a screen, whether the mobile phone or your tablet.

Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Technology is neutral. It’s how we use it that makes it either a blessing or otherwise.

Watch this short video. It is indeed a good reminder to “look up” and appreciate who and what you have right in front of you.

LOVE THAT WASN’T MEANT TO LAST

LOVE THAT WASN'T MEANT TO LAST

Many if not all desire to be in a relationship that would last a very very long time.
The wish is actually forever.

But if a relationship begins on a selfish note, desiring to get rather than to give, then it begins on a faulty foundation.  When you find yourself in a relationship that only desires to consistently get and not give, then it really is just a matter of time before it crashes.

Over and over again, I’ve referred to Ed Cole’s comparison between love and lust.

Love desires to benefit others at the expense of self, because love desires to give.
Lust desires to benefit self at the expense of others, because lust desires to get. 

Relationships don’t need to be complicated. It does unfortunately when it becomes about SELF.

But when it moves SELF-CENTEREDNESS to SELF-SACRIFICE, then you discover the beauty a relationship.

The following video is a message on this topic. I pray you will be blessed by it.

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PHOTO CREDIT: http://www.flickr.com/photos/little_pebble/

TO BE TREATED LIKE A PRINCESS

My wife and I met with a couple this afternoon who is planning to get married next month. They wanted to sit with us and ask us for some advice regarding their future marriage. So we relayed to them a lot of our blunders and how they can learn from them and not fall into the same trap we did.

When Jenn asked what the bride to be saw in her future husband, she started crying.

At first, I wasn’t sure why she was crying. It was either it was going to be a shotgun wedding or it was an unfortunate situation that she couldn’t find anything good in this man. (joke)

But she started relaying to us her bad experiences of past relationships she had that made her lose faith in finding a decent man to spend the rest of her life with.

All her life, she wanted to be treated like a princess. Her past relationships weren’t close to that thought. She was trampled on, hurt and left damaged.

But when she met her fiancé, one of the major things he did was to bring her closer to Jesus.

“Meeting Jesus made me a child of the King. And being a daughter of the King then that makes me a princess. Not only has my fiancé treated me as a princess, I now know I am one by virtue of my relationship with Jesus.”

Guys, the most important relationship you can cultivate is not the relationship you have with your partner, but your relationship with Jesus and your partner’s with Christ.

Understand that as you prioritize Jesus, He will add everything you need. (Matthew 6:33)

Everything…

You are His son. You are His daughter. That makes you children of royalty.

Something to rejoice about.

 

WINNING THE HEART MORE THAN WINNING THE ARGUMENT

The “why” is more important than the “what”.

I’ve always been told this as a new parent. If you explain the why to your kids, then it will be easier for them to obey.

However, based on experience, I haven’t been as successful.

When my eldest was 8 years old, my wife Jenn and I would explain to him why it was important to eat vegetables – the nutritional value and meritorious reasons of developing this habit.

Well, it wasn’t working.

So we reverted back to “just-do-as-I-say” method.

As years passed, and as 3 more kids came, I’ve realized an important lesson.

Yes, the why is more important than the what.
But more important than the why is the relational trust the child has with the parent.

I have yet to recall a time when I gave wonderful explanations of the rules and then my children would reply,

“Oh, daddy, now we realize the critical importance of what you just explained. You’ve shed light into this matter. Because of that, from now on, we will do exactly what you say!”

That would be the dream but unfortunately it only remains to be a dream.

The problem with rules and reasons is that you can argue with them point by point and debate issue by issue.

But here’s the truth – YOU CANNOT DEBATE A TRUSTED RELATIONSHIP.

The answers we give to their questions never carry more weight than a healthy and trusted relationship.

Listen to what Reggie Joiner has to say…

“One of the most powerful things a parent can do is to learn to communicate in a style that values the relationship.”

It actually is possible to win the argument and yet lose the relationship.

The goal is not to win the debate. The goal is to win the heart.

WHEN A RELATIONSHIP BECOMES DESTRUCTIVE

My wife, Jenn, was reading a book by Leslie Vernick, entitled “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.

Leslie Vernick is a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice. She received her master’s degree at the University of Illinois and has completed postgraduate work in biblical counseling and cognitive therapy.

She shared with me a few thoughts and I thought of sharing it with you.

When we believe we always need a particular someone, we put that person in God’s position in our lives. Replacing God with a person will destroy us. It is possible to put others in God’s position by giving them the power to determine your worth and value. – Leslie Vernick