A story about unconditional love…
What do you do when the one you love can no longer reciprocate your love?
What if something happens before you get married and your partner no longer has the ability to love you the way s/he did right before marriage?
You gotta watch this.
Bring out some kleenex too.
A few years ago, I spoke to a couple who hit a bump in their relationship. They’ve been together since college and have been dating for several years. They’ve been both losing interest in each other and no longer know where to take it.
After hearing them out, we’ve realized that they’ve hit a lid in their relationship. The time they’ve spent, the experiences they’ve shared, the ‘kilig’ they’ve felt has hit a lid.
They needed to make a decision – either bring it to the next level (marriage) or make a decision if this is really what they want.
Someone said indecision becomes a decision with time.
I don’t know exactly how long is long but being in a relationship too long may not exactly be the healthiest. Intimacy wise, you cannot bring it to where you’d like to since you’re not yet married. And the temptation becomes even more intense.
Breaking up is difficult because of the ‘sayang’ factor. You’ve been with together for years and then that’s it?
But staying in a relationship just because you’ve been together for a long time is not the best reason to stay.
WARNING: Unsolicited advice…. (Don’t continue to read if you might not like the next statement.)
Guys, if you’re in a long term relationship and the relationship is getting stale, I suggest you take it to the next level – either get married or break it up. Why? Because the lady you are in a relationship with may be stuck and for all you know God has someone else for her but you’ve held her captive in the relationship you’re in.
But if it’s a go, then get married. Trust God for provision. Believe God for the best. He will never leave nor forsake.
Ladies, don’t let anyone take you captive in a relationship. You do know that you can make the decision to move on. You’re not married yet. And if he is not ready to back up his claim with a ring, then he has no business asking you to give your all to him.
By the way, you may ask what happened to the couple I spoke to years ago? They did get married, eventually. Now they’re living life to the fullest, enjoying all that God had promised in a marriage submitted to His will.
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? (Proverbs 20:6)
I read an article by Kathy Keller, co-author of “The Meaning Of Marriage” with Timothy Keller.
Here’s a excerpt of that article.
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There are only three ways an unequal marriage can turn out, (and by unequal I am willing to stretch a point and include genuine, warm Christians who want to marry an in-name-only Christian, or someone very, very far behind them in Christian experience and growth):
1. In order to be more in sync with your spouse, the Christian will have to push Christ to the margins of his or her life. This may not involve actually repudiating the faith, but in matters such as devotional life, hospitality to believers (small group meetings, emergency hosting of people in need), missionary support, tithing, raising children in the faith, fellowship with other believers—those things will have to be minimized or avoided in order to preserve peace in the home.
2. Alternatively, if the believer in the marriage holds on to a robust Christian life and practice, the non-believing PARTNER will have to be marginalized. If he or she can’t understand the point of Bible study and prayer, or missions trips, or hospitality, then he or she can’t or won’t participate alongside the believing spouse in those activities. The deep unity and oneness of a marriage cannot flourish when one partner cannot fully participate in the other person’s most important commitments.
3. So either the marriage experiences stress and breaks up; or it experiences stress and stays together, achieving some kind of truce that involves one spouse or the other capitulating in some areas, but which leaves both parties feeling lonely and unhappy.
Does this sound like the kind of marriage you want? One that strangles your growth in Christ or strangles your growth as a couple, or does both?
Think back to that off-cited passage in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about being “unequally yoked.” Most of us no longer live in an agrarian culture, but try to visualize what would happen if a farmer yoked together, say, an ox and a donkey. The heavy wooden yoke, designed to harness the strength of the team, would be askew, as the animals are of different heights, weights, walk at different speeds and with different gaits. The yoke, instead of harnessing the power of the team to complete the task, would rub and chafe BOTH animals, since the load would be distributed unequally.
An unequal marriage is not just unwise for the Christian, it is also unfair to the non-Christian, and will end up being a trial for them both.
To read the whole article, click here.
Here’s a recap video of our recent COUPLES’ GETAWAY.
VENUE: Summit Ridge, Tagaytay
TOPIC: Connection
SPEAKERS: Joey & Marie Bonifacio/Ariel & Shirley Marquez
COUPLES’ GETAWAY 2011 from Paolo Punzalan on Vimeo.
I tucked my kids to bed tonight.
We usually have devotions before they go to bed.
Our topic tonight was making major decisions.
I told them that in life, they will be making 3 major ones.
These are the 3 that I told them.
1. WHO WILL YOU SERVE?
Will you serve Jesus, self or the devil?
Joshua challenged God’s people, “choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve … But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15).
This is the first and most important decision you’ll ever make.
And this is one decision you cannot keep putting off. Remember, not deciding is a decision. You’ve decided not to accept Him into your life. We are either for Him or against Him. There’s no middle ground.
2. HOW WILL YOU SERVE?
I told my kids that they will have to make a decision how they’ll serve Jesus.
It doesn’t necessarily mean being in full-time ministry as a pastor or a missionary because you can serve Him wherever you are – in athletics, the arts, banking, insurance industry… as in WHEREVER.
Serving Him is not a matter of location but posture of the heart.
3. WITH WHOM WILL YOU SERVE HIM?
I told them that this will be a million years from now. Haha!
But I did say that they will get married one day and making this decision of with whom they’ll serve Jesus with is a critical one.
So I laid my hands on them and prayed for their future spouses – that as early as now, God would prepare the person they’ll spend the rest of their lives with as much as God is preparing them too.
But again, that will still be a million years from now.
This is part 2 on the mini series on “Reflections from the Couples Retreat.”
Much of communication is listening. Unfortunately, when you are the man in the marriage relationship, listening is a tricky skill to try to learn. Allow me to illustrate.
When my wife asks me, “Paolo, do you want a glass of water?”, I have to think, “Is she asking what she’s asking?”
Why? Because often times, she asks me that question because she wants water for herself. So now, I’ve learned to answer her question with another question, “Oh, darling, would you like some water?”
I know what you are thinking, “Why don’t they just tell us straight?” It’s not hard to say, “Paolo, can you get me some water please?”
“Exactly!”
But I don’t know why. I guess God wants marriage to be such an adventure that’s why God designed men and women to communicate differently. We just need to understand HOW we were designed. THAT is a lifelong undertaking. That’s why it’s an ADVENTURE.
P.S. Just in case, you may ask David Bonifacio for insight. He might have some.
Jenn and I came from a couples’ retreat last week. It was great for a couple of reasons. One, we were not teaching. It was great for us to just sit in and listen. Two, we heard from the best of the best in Victory (Joey & Marie Bonifacio, Steve & Deborah Murrell and Juray & Deah Mora).
In the next couple of blogs, I will be sharing what I learned from the retreat.
On the first day, Joey and Marie focused on the area of communication.
Their session was hilarious because they shared a lot about their personal experiences with regards to this topic. Seventy percent of marriage problems stem from communication or the lack of it.
“In our marriages, we can either build walls that would divide or walls that would surround our marriage and thereby protect it.” – Joey and Marie Bonifacio
Here are the 4 things that can build the W.A.L.L.
1. WORDS
Words are powerful. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that ‘life and death are in the power of the tongue.’ Our words can either bring life or it can bring death in a marriage.
Words that build – “I’m proud of you, I love you, I appreciate you…” can definitely bring life in a relationship.
On the other hand, words that tear down – “You’re just like your dad/mom, You’ll always be that way, You’re such a bum, You’re irresponsible…” can definitely sentence a marriage to death.
2. ACTION
While words are powerful, just as powerful are our actions. One can say “I love you” and yet what they communicate can be the exact opposite when they fail to prioritize the relationship. Time is a major indicative of love in action for it speaks of who takes first place in the calendar.
3. LISTENING
Listening is a major part of communication. It is possible to talk for 45 minutes and not communicate at all. In a world where people feel uncomfortable during times of silence, this is such a vital skill to keep honing.
4. LIFE
We can talk. We can spend time. We can shut our mouths to listen. But if there’s no life in a marriage relationship, it will fall apart soon enough.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 tells us to “Enjoy life with your spouse.” Have fun. Enjoy. Be silly.
At the pinnacle of every marriage relationship, for it to work, the LIFE (Jesus) has to be in the center. For without Him, we can do nothing.
Here’s the restoration story from G.J. I shared last Sunday.
Please take the time to read. This story is so powerful, it gave me so much hope for families that have been marred by selfishness and broken by sin.
Here it is…
Hi pastor pao! I saw your tweet about any recent testimony and I wanna share something to you and to the rest of the congregation 🙂
I’m the only believer in my family and the past 6mos has been one of the major storm that hit my family. My dad accused my mom for having an affair with his friend, but in fact it was him who has been cheating on my mom since my brother and I were kids. It has been a mess. A lot of people had been involved, so many hearts have been broken into pieces. It came to a point where my dad was physically and emotionally abusing my mom. He was threatening his friend and his family and cops has been involved too. They were in the process of divorced. I hated my dad and I’ve been praying that God will just take him away from my family and disappear forever.
But God had a different plan, instead of changing our situation, He started changing our hearts.
He blessed me with peace and assurance that He is in control and that I just have to trust Him. My mom started reading my Bible, my dad asked me about God and my relationship with Him … I’ve been praying for my parents’ salvation since I got saved in 2006, I had some moments when I was upset with God on why He is not saving my parents and bro, but every sunday I see some people who are getting saved, my patience was really running out, but God knocked in my heart again and told me to wait and just trust Him.
And now, God restored my family. My mom and dad are not pushing through with their divorce, my dad finally apologized and admitted everything that he have done in the past. They’ve been going to church every Sunday and I see them reading the Bible together.
God has been really faithful and whenever I think about it, I can’t stop crying on how God works. He works in a beautiful way. my God is an awesome God. He truly is! 🙂