At our recent Every Nation Regional Leadership Training, I sat with fellow pastors and listened to a question every leader eventually faces: why do some pastors fall while others flourish?
The Difference Is Resilience
Phil Bonasso gave a one-word answer: resilience. It’s the capacity to adapt, recover, and thrive in the face of adversity, trauma, or chronic stress. Put simply, it’s the ability to bounce back.
But here’s what struck me. Resilience isn’t primarily a personality trait or a matter of grit. The key is relationships, specifically trusted relationships. No leader bounces back alone.
Three Relationships That Build Resilience
Not every relationship makes us stronger. Phil named three kinds that do.
Relationships that bear burdens with you. These are the people who don’t just hear about your load; they help you carry it.
Relationships that shape how you think. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). We need people we can process with, friends who can reframe our perspective when stress narrows it.
Relationships that speak faith into your life. Before Peter’s denial, Jesus told him, “I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail” (Luke 22:32). Notice what Jesus didn’t say. He didn’t promise to prevent the failure. He prayed that Peter’s faith would survive it. Resilient leaders have people praying that same prayer over them.
Strong Relationships Require Intentional Investment
None of this happens by accident. We have to create moments and opportunities for these relationships to form. Proverbs 11:25 reminds us that whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. When we invest in people, we ourselves are watered.
Make Wine and Find Titus
Russ Austin added a challenge: leaders must be willing to put a demand on the people they lead, and he pointed to two pictures.
First, make wine. In John 2, Jesus made the party better by turning water into wine. Good leaders bring wine. They add joy and value wherever they go.
Second, find Titus. In 2 Corinthians 2, Paul left an open door for ministry because he couldn’t find his friend Titus. He valued face-to-face partnership enough to walk away from an opportunity.
Russ said that if we do these two things, we’ll build collective intelligence, a team that thinks and leads better together than any of us could alone.
So, pastor, leader: who is carrying burdens with you? Who sharpens you? Who is praying that your faith won’t fail? And who are you doing that for?
Leave a comment