In one of the research, teachers that spoke positive words, expected good performance from their students and placed under the gifted group, they actually ended with better grades as compared to those who were in an average category.
Long story short, our words matter.
People who have authority in our lives, their words make an impact, for better or for worse.
Years ago, I read a book by Gary Smalley and John Trent entitled The Blessing. They wrote about how powerful the words of a parent, especially of the father’s. They talked about Brian, who spent a lifetime seeking his father’s approval. At his father’s deathbed, Brian pleaded one last time, “Please say you love me, please!”
It is interesting how we see this in the Jewish culture where patriarchs practice blessing their children consistently like Abraham and Isaac, Isaac and Jacob, Jacob and his children. It has become part of their daily life. No wonder you see men who grew up in that culture achieve extraordinary accomplishments in their lives. These men include Steven Spielberg, Michael Bloomberg, Mark Zuckerberg, Ben Shapiro, Irving Moskowitz, Mortimer Zuckerman. I don’t mean that they are all followers of Christ or God-fearers, but because they come from a culture that patriarchs bless their children, they grow up with these words that impact their future.
DAD, CAN YOU BLESS ME?
As I have learned this principle, I remember asking my dad to bless me.
He must’ve thought I was weird or have lost it.
To those who are unfamiliar, I didn’t grow up with my dad. The first time I met him was when I was 16 years old after my parents broke up before I turned 1.
But when I met him and after reading the book, I took the opportunity to ask him to bless me.
That was a weird conversation and such an awkward one to say the least.
He asked what he should say.
I told him to simply say “I bless you, son.” And whatever else he felt telling me, he can add to that statement.
Awkwardly, he did and more.
Guess what happened that night?
Thunder. Lightning. Everything changed.
Well, not really.
Actually, not much happened that night.
But in the next few years, I realized that something turned that night. I did not just feel I was blessed by my dad. I felt complete as a son and a young man.
As a result, when I got married, I had asked God for grace to bless my children as often as I could.
There was a book my wife and I purchased that helped us pray prayers over our kids while we would tuck them in bed. It was entitled Bless Your Children. It provided us with words directly from Scripture framed as a prayer and a blessing to our kids.
Dads, bless your children.
Bless them with your words.
Bless them with meaningful touch.
Bless them with love and acceptance.
Bless them with words of life that speak of a special future.
Bless them with your genuine commitment.
Bless them with affirmation.
* “I see God working in your life.”
“I love you and Jesus loves you most of all.” “God is always with you!” (Matthew 28:20) “You are a beloved child of the King!” (1 Peter 2:9-10)
“You are a gift from God.” (James 1:17) “You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength!” (Philippians 4:13) “God has a good plan for your life.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
“You are strong in the Lord!” (Ephesians 6:10)
“With God, all things are possible!” (Matthew 19:26) “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) “You are loved – no matter what. There is nothing you can do that will change that.” (Romans 5:8) “Jesus loves spending time with you and so do I.” (Luke 10:38-42) “Let me pray for/with you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
“Trust Jesus with (insert here – this situation, this fear, this desire, etc.).” (Proverbs 3:5-6) “I love that God helped you (insert here something that your child did – be creative, work hard, think of others, do the right thing, bless someone, sacrifice something that meant a lot to them, be kind to a sibling) today!” (Psalm 28:7) “God is concerned about every detail of your life.” (1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 10:30, Psalm 139:1-3) “There is so much grace for you.” (Hebrews 4:16) I say this one while hugging a child who is broken over his/her sin.
“I’m sorry – will you forgive me?” (1 John 1:9) This is for when WE make mistakes and sin against them – our kids NEED to know that we are sinners and in need of a Savior – just like them, and “It is finished.” (John 19:30)
“Thank you, God, for this precious boy/girl!” (Isaiah 43:4) “I am so happy/proud/honored/blessed that God made me your dad/mom.”
Jesus was with His disciples in Caesarea Philippi when He asked them a question, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” (Matthew 16:13) The disciples dished out several names that people thought Jesus was – John the Baptist, Elijah, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.
Then Jesus looked at each of them and asked a poignant, forthright and candid question, “But what about you? Who do you say I am?”
We can breeze through reading this question Jesus asked but if we look into it deeper, we realize that how we see Him directly affects how we live our lives before Him.
If He is merely a good teacher, we will appreciate the lessons, maybe even post it on our socials and get a few likes.
If He is just a good example, then we will always applaud His modeling but always feel we can never live up to it.
But if He is Lord, Messiah and King, then we know that salvation alone comes from Him and that the rest of our lives will be lived in subservience to His will.
Who is He to you? Because how you answer this question will spell the difference on how you will live your life the rest of your days.
“I wish had had what she had.” “If only I had more of what he has, I’ll be better.” “How I wish I had more.”
I remember visited a relative. She was talking about how her daughter now has 3 cars and a nice house. While I was throughly satisfied and grateful for my life, it was interesting how envy started to creep in my heart wanting what my relative had.
Dr. Richard Smith of University of Kentucky published an article describing envy. According to him, “envy can be a destructive emotion both mentally and physically. Envious people tend to feel hostile, resentful, angry and irritable. Such individuals are also less likely to feel grateful about their positive traits and circumstances.”
That was exactly how I felt – I started to feel ungrateful. Harold Coffin insightfully declared, “envy is the art of counting other people’s blessings instead of your own.”
If you sense that envy is beginning to take over, here are a few reminders:
1. Envy saps us of peace.
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30)
Because we desire to have what we don’t have, we end up being dissatisfied. Dissatisfaction is one of the quickest ways to drain our hearts of peace.
2. Envy comes from within.
For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. (Mark 7:21-22)
The problem is not our environment but our hearts. Even if we shield ourselves from other people, the core of the concern is from within not without.
3. Envy does no good to us.
Proverbs 23:17-18 says, “Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.”
What brings hope is the fear of the Lord. When we have Christ as center, we will be content and see that envy has no place in our hearts.
4. Envy has no place in the kingdom of God.
“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 6:19-21)
As people who have been saved by grace through faith in Christ, the items in the list the Apostle Paul gives no longer has place in our hearts. Part of the list is envy. Because we have been saved, everything after salvation is bonus. Every thing we have is something we are to be grateful for.
5. Envy has no part in love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Love rejoices in other’s victories and does not envy.
The next time envy knocks on the doorstep of your heart, you can:
– list down the things God has given you.
– shift your focus on what you don’t have to what you already have
I was in a meeting with a few men talking about temptation. Some of the questions arose included:
How do I resist?
What do I do when I’m tempted?
Is there a way to win over them?
As we discussed the chapter in 2 Samuel where David committed adultery with Bathsheba, here were a few things we discussed that may be of help to some of you reading this.
Jesus was not exempted from temptation. In Luke chapter 4, we see Him being tempted by the devil on several fronts. But at every temptation, He responded with “it is written” (v.4,8 &12).
What can we learn from this? Jesus fought the temptations of the enemy with God’s Word. The word of God is the sword of the Spirit. It is a weapon by which we may wield to defeat our enemy.
Question. Do you know what God says in His word enough that you can pull out the sword in times of temptation to defeat the enemy? If we don’t use the weapon, we won’t be able to slay the enemy.
Staying in the circumstance when the temptation is ongoing is not the best way to handle it. Staying in the porn site while praying for God to deliver you is not the best route. Hanging out with friends who love to drink is not the way to defeat drunkenness. Talking to your best friend who instigates gossip is not the best road to stepping away from that sin. Staying on your favorite online shopping site will not cure your materialism.
Joseph was tempted by Mrs. Potiphar in Genesis 39. But what did Joseph do when he was tempted? Argued? Shared the love of God? Explained how sexual immorality displeases God?
Joseph ran. No explanation whatsoever.
I remember my friend, Pastor Marc saw another pastor of ours in a car with another lady not his wife. Right there and then, he phoned the other pastor and asked who he was with. He shared that that was his wife’s niece and was bringing her home.
Because there was permission to call out, Marc didn’t hesitate. And because the other pastor gave permission, he didn’t take offense when Marc called.
Accountability is best when it is sought and not demanded.
If I demand accountability from another person, telling him he needs to call me every Friday to report what he did and didn’t do, at a certain point, this won’t be as effective as compared to when we personally give permission to people we trust and say that they have permission to call us out and keep us accountable.
When we seek accountability, it seems more effective than us being demanded of it.
4. TRUST IN GOD
Until we come to the point that only God can give genuine, ultimate and lasting satisfaction, we will always consider other options.
I say genuine because there are fakes. The earlier we can distinguish the fakes from the genuine, the better for us. God alone can give genuine and lasting satisfaction. Every other knock-off will not fully satisfy.
While this sounds like point number 3 on accountability, I would like to make a distinction. Transparency is the willingness to be open to the people you are accountable to… even to the people who are close to you.
For the husband, does your wife know all your passwords? For the student, does you bestfriend have access to your history folder? For the young man, does someone have the permission to call you out? For the young lady, does someone have the permission to check up on you regarding the struggle you currently face?
In this world, we will face temptations. But there is always a way out.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”
You believed He was a provider but to this day, you don’t have a baby. You trusted His promise but up to now, you still didn’t get your promotion. You prayed that things would get better, but things have gotten worse.
Abraham received his promise – Isaac. But he was going to face another test. In Genesis 22, God asked him to sacrifice his son on top of Mt. Moriah. There are 5 things I’d like to mention as lessons from this narrative.
1. Our faith is going to be tested through our obedience.
After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” – Genesis 22:1
Not very many love taking tests. Do you? I don’t. But tests reveal what we have learned.
There are tests that produce faith. But there are tests that reveal faith.
When tests come, what does it reveal about you?
2. We can either reason on the basis of our circumstance or on the basis of God’s character.
Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” – Genesis 22:5
“I and the boy will come again to you.” What a faith statement!
But did he know God’s plan- that God wasn’t going to really make him do it? I don’t think so.
But Hebrews 11:19 gives us a clue to what his through process was. “He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.”
Abraham wrestled but came to a conclusion the night before. He logically concluded that God cannot lie. He made a promise (that he will be a father of many nations) and He will not turn back from that promise.
So he did not reason on the basis of his current circumstance but on the basis of the character of God – that He is faithful to fulfill His promise.
3. The promise given is as good as the Promise Giver.
Genesis 22:7. And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” 8 Abraham said, “God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together.
When he resolved in his heart that God cannot lie and will not lie, he made this declaration: God will provide. He didn’t know how and he didn’t know when. But he was sure of it for some reason.
But since there is no one greater than God, He swore by His own authority and power. Genesis 22:16-17, “By myself I have sworn, declares the Lord, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you.”
Because He is the ultimate authority and power, therefore, what He says, we can trust.
4. Obedience has to be immediate, persistent and ultimate.
Abraham woke up early. He continued walking up the mountain with Isaac. He drew the dagger when it was time.
His obedience was immediate, persistent and ultimate.
I love what John Calvin said, “We pay Him the highest honour, when, in affairs of perplexity, we nevertheless entirely acquiesce (yield) to his providence.”
5. God’s infinite provision is always greater than our finite problem.
Genesis 22:14. So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”
Yahweh Yireh or the Lord will provide is a title given to God by Abraham. It does not only mean God being the One who supplies. Yahweh Yireh also means “God will see to it.” He will see to it that His plans and purposes will prevail in our lives.
Will it always be in the way we desire Him to provide? Will it be according to our timing or His? Not really. But one thing is for sure. He will see to it that what He has planned will be accomplished.
You lost your job because your direct report did not submit the project proposal on time.
You failed your subject because your group mate did not put in the work she should’ve.
You can’t claim inheritance because you just found out that your dad wasn’t really your dad.
Your boyfriend broke up with you because he fell for your best friend.
What do you do when what you’re going through was a result of someone’s irresponsibility or worse, wrong doing?
A garden variety of responses can come to surface which would include anger, revenge, bitterness, apathy.
In Genesis 16, we read the story of Hagar. She was Abram and Sarai’s servant. Because the couple was given a promise and it seemed like God was not fast enough in fulfilling His promise, they took matters in their own hands and thought of a way to make the promise happen – for Abram to have Hagar as a surrogate mom.
But this wasn’t God’s plan. He said in Genesis 15 that the heir was going to come from Abram and Sarai’s union. Somehow, they forgot what God said and made their own solution to the situation.
Painful experiences have a way of missing God or distorting what He said. The promise may have been taking some time but God’s delays are not necessarily His denials.
They may have gotten a baby (Ishmael) out of their solution but it wasn’t the plan of God. Whatever we attempt to do without God is going to be a miserable failure – or worse, a miserable success.
It caused a conflict in the household. Sarai felt miserable and all the more insecure because she couldn’t bear a child. Hagar felt contempt towards Sarai for whatever reason. Maybe because she felt superior because she was able to give Abram a child. But whatever the reason, the situation got ugly.
She was dealt with very harshly. She had to leave Abram’s household. She fled to the desert.
Out of the blue, she found herself without a home, without provision, without certainty about the future – and all these as a single mom.
She’s in this situation only because Sarai told Abram to do so. And she was only being submissive to her master and mistress. Now she’s in this dilemma.
Fortunately, God shows up in the desert and encounters Hagar. He gives a promise of blessing to Hagar.
As a result, Hagar makes a declaration – “You are the God who sees me. I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13, NIV)
One of the names of God is El Roi which means the God who sees. And the word ‘to see’ is more than just being able to visually gaze but as a shepherd would watch over his sheep is how God, El Roi, sees and watches over His children.
1. Knowing that El Roi sees me, I can be secure under His protection.
Job 24:23 says, “He gives them security, and they are supported, and his eyes are upon their ways.”
2. Knowing that El Roi sees me, I can have significance because I know He loves me.
Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
When a child sees his parents watches over him, he can feel the love. Similarly, we sense His love as He watches over us.
3. Knowing that El Roi sees me, I can be satisfied in His presence.
Psalm 121:1-3 says, “1I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;”
He watches over you and me. Because of that, I can be assured of His presence over my life. He will never leave, forsake or abandon.
May we always be reminded that El Roi, the God who sees and watches over us is with us.
As long as we live in a fallen and broken world, we will experience sufferings and trials – no one is exempted. What marks the difference is how we respond.
It’s okay to ask, throw a fist in the air, or scream if you must – but, don’t stop there.
Cry out for help. Ask God to fill you with faith, hope, strength and courage. You are not alone. This is a journey that can only be finished triumphantly with God and the community He has placed us in. Believe that God can lead you to someone He has planned to help you in your journey.
Allow His loving arms to carry you through and see how God will reveal His glory in and through you.
Some, if not all, of us have in one way or another uttered this statement.
Abandonment by a loved one, whether involuntarily like death or voluntarily, is an unbearable pain that has been etched deep in our hearts. And this pain doesn’t just simply go away.
The only way we can experience healing and freedom from this trauma is by allowing God, the Maker of heaven and earth, to be our Abba Father. Allow His love to penetrate the deepest wounds of our hearts. Cling to Him and His word because He promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us.