What is our goal in parenting?
Many books, experts and seminar speakers give us varied objectives. But allow me to propose one vital goal we need to have as parents as we train our children to become fully functioning adults. Hope this video helps.
Technology has been a real blessing.
It has helped us find directions easier, access news in a snap, connect with someone across the planet in a few seconds, Facetime with a loved one you’ve never seen in a long time.
At the same breath, it has caused us to stay glued in front of a screen, whether the mobile phone or your tablet.
Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Technology is neutral. It’s how we use it that makes it either a blessing or otherwise.
Watch this short video. It is indeed a good reminder to “look up” and appreciate who and what you have right in front of you.
Many if not all desire to be in a relationship that would last a very very long time.
The wish is actually forever.
But if a relationship begins on a selfish note, desiring to get rather than to give, then it begins on a faulty foundation. When you find yourself in a relationship that only desires to consistently get and not give, then it really is just a matter of time before it crashes.
Over and over again, I’ve referred to Ed Cole’s comparison between love and lust.
Love desires to benefit others at the expense of self, because love desires to give.
Lust desires to benefit self at the expense of others, because lust desires to get.
Relationships don’t need to be complicated. It does unfortunately when it becomes about SELF.
But when it moves SELF-CENTEREDNESS to SELF-SACRIFICE, then you discover the beauty a relationship.
The following video is a message on this topic. I pray you will be blessed by it.
My wife and I met with a couple this afternoon who is planning to get married next month. They wanted to sit with us and ask us for some advice regarding their future marriage. So we relayed to them a lot of our blunders and how they can learn from them and not fall into the same trap we did.
When Jenn asked what the bride to be saw in her future husband, she started crying.
At first, I wasn’t sure why she was crying. It was either it was going to be a shotgun wedding or it was an unfortunate situation that she couldn’t find anything good in this man. (joke)
But she started relaying to us her bad experiences of past relationships she had that made her lose faith in finding a decent man to spend the rest of her life with.
All her life, she wanted to be treated like a princess. Her past relationships weren’t close to that thought. She was trampled on, hurt and left damaged.
But when she met her fiancé, one of the major things he did was to bring her closer to Jesus.
“Meeting Jesus made me a child of the King. And being a daughter of the King then that makes me a princess. Not only has my fiancé treated me as a princess, I now know I am one by virtue of my relationship with Jesus.”
Guys, the most important relationship you can cultivate is not the relationship you have with your partner, but your relationship with Jesus and your partner’s with Christ.
Understand that as you prioritize Jesus, He will add everything you need. (Matthew 6:33)
You are His son. You are His daughter. That makes you children of royalty.
Something to rejoice about.
The “why” is more important than the “what”.
I’ve always been told this as a new parent. If you explain the why to your kids, then it will be easier for them to obey.
However, based on experience, I haven’t been as successful.
When my eldest was 8 years old, my wife Jenn and I would explain to him why it was important to eat vegetables – the nutritional value and meritorious reasons of developing this habit.
Well, it wasn’t working.
So we reverted back to “just-do-as-I-say” method.
As years passed, and as 3 more kids came, I’ve realized an important lesson.
Yes, the why is more important than the what.
But more important than the why is the relational trust the child has with the parent.
I have yet to recall a time when I gave wonderful explanations of the rules and then my children would reply,
“Oh, daddy, now we realize the critical importance of what you just explained. You’ve shed light into this matter. Because of that, from now on, we will do exactly what you say!”
That would be the dream but unfortunately it only remains to be a dream.
The problem with rules and reasons is that you can argue with them point by point and debate issue by issue.
But here’s the truth – YOU CANNOT DEBATE A TRUSTED RELATIONSHIP.
The answers we give to their questions never carry more weight than a healthy and trusted relationship.
Listen to what Reggie Joiner has to say…
“One of the most powerful things a parent can do is to learn to communicate in a style that values the relationship.”
It actually is possible to win the argument and yet lose the relationship.
The goal is not to win the debate. The goal is to win the heart.
Leslie Vernick is a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice. She received her master’s degree at the University of Illinois and has completed postgraduate work in biblical counseling and cognitive therapy.
She shared with me a few thoughts and I thought of sharing it with you.
When we believe we always need a particular someone, we put that person in God’s position in our lives. Replacing God with a person will destroy us. It is possible to put others in God’s position by giving them the power to determine your worth and value. – Leslie Vernick