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This is part 2 on the mini series on “Reflections from the Couples Retreat.”

Part 1 can be found here.

Much of communication is listening.  Unfortunately, when you are the man in the marriage relationship, listening is a tricky skill to try to learn.  Allow me to illustrate.

When my wife asks me, “Paolo, do you want a glass of water?”, I have to think, “Is she asking what she’s asking?”

Why? Because often times, she asks me that question because she wants water for herself.  So now, I’ve learned to answer her question with another question, “Oh, darling, would you like some water?”

I know what you are thinking, “Why don’t they just tell us straight?”  It’s not hard to say, “Paolo, can you get me some water please?”

“Exactly!”

But I don’t know why.  I guess God wants marriage to be such an adventure that’s why God designed men and women to communicate differently.  We just need to understand HOW we were designed.  THAT is a lifelong undertaking.  That’s why it’s an ADVENTURE.

P.S. Just in case, you may ask David Bonifacio for insight.  He might have some.

Jenn and I came from a couples’ retreat last week. It was great for a couple of reasons. One, we were not teaching. It was great for us to just sit in and listen. Two, we heard from the best of the best in Victory (Joey & Marie Bonifacio, Steve & Deborah Murrell and Juray & Deah Mora).

In the next couple of blogs, I will be sharing what I learned from the retreat.

On the first day, Joey and Marie focused on the area of communication.

Their session was hilarious because they shared a lot about their personal experiences with regards to this topic.  Seventy percent of marriage problems stem from communication or the lack of it.

“In our marriages, we can either build walls that would divide or walls that would surround our marriage and thereby protect it.” – Joey and Marie Bonifacio

Here are the 4 things that can build the W.A.L.L.

1. WORDS

Words are powerful.  The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that ‘life and death are in the power of the tongue.’ Our words can either bring life or it can bring death in a marriage.

Words that build – “I’m proud of you, I love you, I appreciate you…” can definitely bring life in a relationship.

On the other hand, words that tear down – “You’re just like your dad/mom, You’ll always be that way, You’re such a bum, You’re irresponsible…” can definitely sentence a marriage to death.

2. ACTION

While words are powerful, just as powerful are our actions.  One can say “I love you” and yet what they communicate can be the exact opposite when they fail to prioritize the relationship.  Time is a major indicative of love in action for it speaks of who takes first place in the calendar.

3. LISTENING

Listening is a major part of communication.  It is possible to talk for 45 minutes and not communicate at all.  In a world where people feel uncomfortable during times of silence, this is such a vital skill to keep honing.

4. LIFE

We can talk.  We can spend time.  We can shut our mouths to listen.  But if there’s no life in a marriage relationship, it will fall apart soon enough.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 tells us to “Enjoy life with your spouse.” Have fun.  Enjoy.  Be silly.

At the pinnacle of every marriage relationship, for it to work, the LIFE (Jesus) has to be in the center.  For without Him, we can do nothing.

Day 1 of our couples retreat.  I just want to say it has been very refreshing.  Bernard and Ivy are amazing.  They’re some of our finest in Victory.

Some of the things we learned…

• There are learned Biblical behaviors that we can acquire.  One of which is to be ‘quick to listen’ as James 1:19 says.
• “Nothing-you-can-do-to make-me-love-you-less” attitude
• You can plan your action but never your reaction.  That’s why we need to decide ahead.
• To truly “L.U.V.” by listening is to “listen”, “Understand” and “Validate.”
• “First duty of love is to listen” – Paul Tillich

• On a side note, there was a fun, funny, special presentation in the evening by the ladies.  Here goes …